Broken Smile


Hi , my messy blog ! Howdy ? I miss writing ,almost dying from busying. Also doesn't know how to describe my feeling lately . I keep thinking something that I shouldn't, such as why I so useless ? Why I can't speak in front of many people with a confident ? Why I'm such a coward ? Why people don't like me ? why people like my friends but not me ? and I felt like I'm not good enough for everyone. Lonely, if only it could describe it me right . I'm not lonely cause I doesn't have boyfriend , yet I felt lonely inside. Depression are a big word , I don't want to claim that I have suffering from this disease. Cause maybe people would never ignore about this . Should I claim , that I had mental illness? If only somebody would save me earlier , if only if . And i kept questioning myself , did I really have a friends? In my opinion , no . I have nobody besides me. Some of my "friends" only exist when they need me , when I need them . Told ya , it rarely to meet them. Okay not trying to rake up the past but some "friends" kept asking their birthday present from me , but did I got something from them ? I'm not trying to be jerk. But if only if you could love me as much as I love you . For me definition of being friends is , we stand behind each other if we had problems , but you never told me about it . And no secret between us . Trying hard to understood af. Please , don't be friend with me because I might be give some benefits for you . Sincerely accept the silly me , messy me the ugliest part of myself that even I can't accept myself. Okay , I actually want to write about something else tonight , but end up with broken heart and hurting alone in this lonely night . Maybe I'll be smiling again in this morning like a puppet without any problems. Stupid me, always be kind to others , while all of them kept kicking me around . Thanks for those toying me around .

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