Reminiscing my lost soul

Hi bloggy, I miss you damn much. But well, nak tulis blog ni memang memerlukan some quiet time, feeling, the setting mode and many more.Here we go, aku sekarang melanjutkan pengajian di Universiti Malaysia Terengganu dalam bidang yang sama. Actually aku takda perasaan pun nak sambung, well I, myself tak tahu apa yang aku nak, apa yang aku kejar dan aim. Aku bukanlah a bright student macam kakak aku yang lain. Lowkey, aku buntu aku ... I can't even describe my own mental state lol. I'm not looking for some love or whatsoever anymore, I already left my own feeling a long ago. I got tired of life, I'm restless. I don't know why. Sometimes, I just feel like I want to be alone and alone for a long time. I don't want to talk, I'm tired. Don't ask for my help anymore, I'm exhausted. Nowdays, I keep dreaming about her. She's my bestfriend that I always proud of her, she is almost like my own soul for really long period. But now she is gone, maybe I doesn't deserve her. She has a kind soul, pretty, always be there for me before this, know how to soothing and cool me down but I take her for granted. Now here I'm regretting my own fault for letting her go without any word and she's left me hanging without any word either. For a God sake, I really miss you. Literally I know that we cannot be the same as before anymore. But for you to know, I would happy if you're happy. I cry for you before and I would always be the same. I didn't know that our relationship would over like this and it is hurting me so much. My heart aches, I cannot think clearly anymore, I miss our moment together. Laughing off like stupid peoples, sleeping together, heart broken together, see your up and down and so do you. Damn it! I miss her... and my own ego limit it. I can't be selfish, I want her to be happy. I know she will live well even without me because she never need me, only I that always burden her. But I wonder does she miss me? I hope she does not, I do not want she feel what I felt.. you know when late night, I always scrolling our old conversation since 2015. And I smile like stupid and crying for that moment. seriously I regret it because I can't even say, I am really sorry. Dear you, if you're reading this just for you to know. I never hate you, I never resent you and whatever happened had a reasons, maybe I just a bad person in your life. I am really really sorry for what I have done to you, I miss you, I hope you're happy and always smiling and lastly I love you and always love you for the rest of my life. You're like my another soul. Thank you for everything that you ever done. Here I had some sajak that I wrote by reminiscing you and our time together.


Hadir kau umpama memberi nafas baharu buatku,
Memberi rasa yang terlalu berbeza buat diri,
Demikian nafas yang dihela terasa nyaman.

Kau buatku umpama cinta pandang pertama,
Kau buat hatiku menjadi gundah gelana,
Membuat jiwaku menjerit kerinduan.

Engkau yang terlalu misteri dan tersembunyi,
Yang aku tidak akan dapat menyentuh,
Selalu membiarkan aku merasa terbungkam.

Kejutan dan kau umpama satu nama,
Kau mempunyai pelbagai kejutan yang menarik,
Seperti sekotak hadiah yang aku tidak tahu isinya.

Buat kau yang sentiasa mekar dihatiku,
Aku sanggup menangisi segalanya mengenai kau,
Kerana kau adalah Juwita buat aku.

Selamanya Juwitaku..








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